


What to do now?

by JX27



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018), Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018) RPF
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, aftermath of caligari
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-08-13 07:09:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20170222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JX27/pseuds/JX27
Summary: Zelda finds out she's pregnant with Faustus after the honeymoon under the Caligari spell.





	1. Zelda finds out

The wave of nausea that hit Zelda that morning woke her up with a new worry in her mind. _What if…? What if…?_ Stumbling with practically every piece of furniture of her room, the redhead made her way to the bathroom, where she heaved violently. Once she felt a bit more like herself, Zelda decided to go downstairs and have breakfast. _Let’s pretend everything is alright_.

When she entered the kitchen, Hilda, being the empathetic witch that she was, noticed something was off with her sister.

“Are you okay, Zelds? You look pale” She handed her sister a cup of tea and a piece of toast, which Zelda reluctantly accepted.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Now, let me read the newspaper in peace.” The older Spellman wanted to appear distant and tough as always, but the effect she wanted to achieve with words was undermined by the sudden urge to throw up that rose up her throat.

She stood up from her chair, with a hint of panic in her eyes that Hilda perceived, and ran to the bathroom without saying a word.

When she came out, Hilda was waiting patiently outside the door. _Good old Hilda, ever so attentive_. Zelda didn’t want to look at her sister in the eyes, for fear of the interrogatory. However, the younger Spellman wouldn’t let her older sister off the hook so easily:

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“It’s just a stomach virus, nothing to worry about”. The lie seemed obvious, but Hilda pressed Zelda on the subject a bit further.

“Then let me do a diagnostic spell so I can give you a healing potion”.

“No need for that. It’s a silly virus.”

“Then all the more reason to deal with it swiftly, with a quick spell and a potion…”

Zelda sighed at the insistence of her sister. She decided to be more open with her, for she knew Hilda wouldn’t budge. She knew she would never cease asking her questions.

“I’m… I guess I don’t want a diagnostic spell”.

“Why, Zelds?”

“I am worried of what the result might be”. Hilda didn’t seem to be following her reasoning, so she added a few more details to what she was saying: “It’s been almost two months since the honeymoon…”

Hilda’s eyes widened in realization:

“You mean? Faustus?”

“When I was under the Caligari I couldn’t take my potions… he’s the only one I’ve been with ever since…”

“Oh, Zelds…”

Zelda couldn’t contain a small tear as she explained her fears:

“This… I have always wanted to be a mother, but… I could have never imagined this possibility…”

“Zelds, you need to know if you’re pregnant”

“I can’t Hilds. I just can’t. I… give me a couple of days.”

“Honey, the sooner you know it, the better. The more options you’ll have.”

Zelda knew that her sister was right, so she sighed and accepted the offer with a movement of her head.

“Okay, let’s lay on your bed and I’ll perform the spell”.

The redhead complied and held one of her sister’s hands to control her nerves. Hilda proceeded to do the spell, and the results flooded her head almost immediately. She half-smiled and squeezed the hand Zelda was holding. She didn’t need to say the words for Zelda to know the results, her eyes told her everything she needed.

“What do I do now…?” Zelda sked, choking a tear and staring at the ceiling.

“I don’t know, Zelds. But whatever you decide, we’ll support you.”

“I’ve _always_ wanted to be a mother… but not like this. _Never_ like this.”

“I know, I know. But it’s okay. You have many options available; these are no longer the nineteenth hundreds…”

“I think I need to be alone. I can’t… I need to think… I need time…”

“Right. Why don’t I call the Academy and tell them you’re not going today? We can also cancel today’s service”.

Zelda hesitated, but finally gave in to her sister’s suggestions. She needed to do a lot of thinking, and her obligations took up way too much of her time.

“I’ll be in the kitchen, okay? Just holler if you need me, okay?”

“Okay”.

When she was left alone, Zelda started praying on her knees:

“Lilith, I need your counsel, please hear my prayers.”

“What is it that you need, High Priestess?” The demoness appeared within seconds.

“I am pregnant, and I don’t know what to do”.


	2. A conversation with Lilith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda has a conversation with Lilith about her pregnancy.

Lilith looked at Zelda in silence, with curiosity in her immortal eyes. The few moments in which the demoness remained quiet felt like an eternity for the witch, who, for a second, wondered if calling her had been a good idea. Zelda held her breath, as if scared of disturbing her Queen. As Lilith didn’t seem to be speaking any time soon, the High Priestess decided to break the tense silence:

“So, what do I do know, Lilith?”

“That is not my decision to make, Zelda.” The answer didn’t satisfy the redhead, who pressed Lilith further:

“But surely you can advise me… you are an advisor of sorts”

“An _advisor of sorts_” the surprised look on Lilith at the indignant comment sent a shiver down Zelda’s spine.

“I certainly did not intend for that to come out that way…what I meant is―”

“I know what you meant, Zelda. But you should be more careful with your words, as a practiced spellcaster should know…”

“I apologize. I should be more _careful_ indeed.”

Lilith observed Zelda, who was fidgeting with her hands, and felt a sense of guilt for not giving her High Priestess a more definite answer.

“I will not tell you what to do” the demoness started. “I will not judge, I will not order. This new era of freedom and agency for witches starts with a High Priest being able to decide what to do with her body.”

“However” Zelda interrupted feebly, “I would treasure your viewpoints as to what I can do with this… this thing… this _parasite_ growing inside me…”

“Your maybe not so carefully chosen words betray you, Zelda. It seems clear to me you do not want that baby… that _parasite_ as you call it.” Lilith taunted Zelda in the hopes of creating a reaction from the witch. But then, as Zelda didn’t say anything, Lilith suddenly realized that she didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. “Who is the father?” she asked, at the risk of sounding like a busybody. “Is he the reason for this attitude towards an unholy blessing?” The demoness had a clear idea of who the father was, but she wanted Zelda to open up about it.

“Blackwood. Faustus Blackwood is the father”. Zelda’s voice trembled as she mentioned the name of her husband. “And yes.. yes… he is the reason why I’m not feeling extremely fond of this baby”.

“You know the baby needn’t resemble the father, if that is what troubles you…”

“My rational mind knows so. My heart, nonetheless, feels that he will be a little demon… and not in the good sense of the word.”

“Oh, interesting choice of words… so you think it’s a _he_?”

“I…uh… I feel it in my guts. And _he_ will be as malevolent as his father, and I can’t… I _cannot_ have a child like that. I have to end the Blackwood bloodline…”

“What is is that troubles you so much about Blackwood to believe that, Zelda? Surely, he is a coward and a traitor to the Church…”

“He’s more than that” Zelda interrupted, voice trembling, and tears pooling in her eyes. “He’s more than that” she repeated, mentally blaming her hormones for the emotional state she was in.

“What is he? What is he to you that you feel so scared to have his child? What is he to you that you have never even mentioned it to your new Goddess, to your _advisor of sorts_?”

Zelda slightly blushed at the choice of words used by Lilith. No, she hadn’t told the demoness about the Caligari spell―she felt too embarrassed to confess it to anyone outside her family, and she hadn’t even really told her family all the things that had to be told either. She had simply brushed through it when she was finally freed. A comment on what she was wearing felt real enough, _Zelda_ enough, that neither Hilda nor Sabrina had questioned her further on the topic. She fruitlessly tried to ignore the nightmares that kept her awake till the wee hours of the morning and it took her a lot of effort to keep up appearances in front of her family. Zelda had considered talking to Lilith about it, but the shame and guilt she felt about the whole incident prevented her to do so. The pregnancy had been the last straw, she couldn’t ignore the Caligari and the events of the honeymoon any longer. Little did she know that Lilith had complete knowledge of everything that was troubling her High Priestess, as she had been observing her in her sleepless nights. She hadn’t said anything, giving Zelda the privacy and time she needed, to cope with everything that happened to her.

“He is…” Zelda tried to find a word to encapsulate what Blackwood meant to her, in _all_ aspects, the good and the bad. “He is sadistic. And cruel. And… and…”

“And what did he do that you don’t like him anymore? You happily married him…”

“I didn’t marry _so_ happily… But, it’s true that I had been in love with him before…”

“And what happened that you’re no longer in love?”

“He used―” Zelda hesitated, “he used a Caligari spell on me during our honeymoon”

“I see…” Lilith was satisfied that Zelda finally opened up to her.

“And that’s how I got pregnant. So, no. This child wasn’t planned, and it wasn’t conceived out of love. I couldn’t possibly have it…”

“If that’s what you think it’s best…”

“I don’t **KNOW** what I think!” Zelda raised her voice, frustrated. “That’s why I asked, I _begged_ for your advice!”

“Advice about _your_ body I shall not give to you. If you really want my advice, you could _tell me_ how you feel about the whole Caligari situation, about the pregnancy, about Blackwood… but I shall not tell you what to do. You are a _free_ witch, with choices. You have an opinionated family that supports you and they will definitely tell you what to do. If you wish a more definite answer, talk to them.”

“I will. Yes, I will”.

“Good.”

“I feel ashamed that I called you for such a mundane problem”.

“It is not mundane if it affects the _soul_ of my Church. Remember that you can talk to me about anything you need to get off your mind. Even if it is that pathetic little being who fathered your child.”

“Thank you. I shall not take more of your time, Queen Lilith. I shall speak to my sister to hear her opinion”.

“That is a good place to start”. Lilith disappeared when she finished that sentence, leaving Zelda as indecisive about the baby as she was before her conversation. However, she had a clear next step to take: talk to Hilda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please, leave your comments! :)


	3. A conversation with Hilda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda and Hilda talk about the Zelda's choices.

Zelda timidly entered the kitchen where Hilda was cooking lunch. When she sensed her older sister, Hilda smiled softly and asked:

“Feeling any better?”

Zelda smiled back, as she sat down on a chair, and simply answered yes. Hilda seemed happy with the answer provided, not wanting to insist any further, for she knew her sister’s defense mechanism would shut her out. Thus, she changed the subject, with a smile still on her face:

“I’m making soup. You’ll love it, and it’ll be good for your stomach”

Zelda scoffed at her sister’s futile attempt at not speaking about the huge elephant in the room. She appreciated the gesture, but for once she wished her sister had the confidence to speak directly to her about these kinds of more personal topics. It was her fault, of course, as she had consistently excluded Hilda from almost any talk regarding her feelings. She wished she could initiate a conversation of this caliber without feeling uncomfortable, but she knew it would not be the case. She decided to be direct, instead:

“What do you think I should do?” Zelda looked directly at Hilda’s eyes, who seemed taken aback at the straightforwardness of her sister. “About the pregnancy?” Zelda insisted.

“I don’t know, Zelds” Hilda started, “have you been thinking about it?”

“Of course I have!!! What do you think I’ve been doing all this time?!” Zelda was offended by the implication of the question asked.

“Of course you have” Hilda tried to backtrack on her words. “I just meant… what _have you_ been thinking about? I mean… do you feel one way or another?”

“No.” Zelda hated admitting defeat so easily, but she really wanted to get Hilda’s opinions on the subject. “I _hate_ that the baby is _his_. And I would not have it just because of who the father is. However…” Zelda looked at the ceiling as she fidgeted with a spoon in her fingers. “however, this can by my only chance at being a mother, and you know how much I’ve always wanted to have a child…”

“As I said, whatever you decide, we’ll be here for you”

“But I **do** want to know what you think. What would _you_ do, Hilds? What would you do if you were me? Please, sister, I want to know”.

“You are asking me something very difficult, sister. I don’t want to tell you something and make you take a wrong decision”

“I won’t make a decision right away, sister. I want to know your opinion… and probably Sabrina’s…”

“You’re gonna tell Brina?” Hilda was happy to hear that Zelda was going to trust their niece with such a huge deal.

“Yes, but first, tell me. What would yo do?”

“I…I…I don’t really know, Zelds, honey.” Hilda looked at her sister with pity in her eyes and a touch of frustration for not being able to offer a more definite answer.

“Just tell me, Hilds. Tell me something. I beg of you”. The plea in Zelda’s expression broke Hilda’s heart―her sister had not confessed something so intimate to her in a very long time.

“I… I think I would keep it, Zelds. Even though it’s Faustus’s. I know he hurt you―I can’t begin to imagine to what extent, and I really don’t want to. But―” she paused, “the baby is not responsible for his father’s actions. It’s an innocent being, an unholy blessing”.

“Thanks for telling me your opinion, Hilda”.

“You don’t seem too happy about it…”

“I just… I know it’s not the baby’s fault, and I know that it needn’t resemble his father” Zelda echoed Lilith’s words, “but, do be honest, I am deeply afraid that he might just be a little Faustus, and I am not ready to face that”.

“Well, his or _her_ education and upbringing would be much more important than his or her DNA, Zelds, you know that―you’re a midwife! You’ve seen many cases of children born out of horrible genetic material turn out okay because of the environment at home. Or…” Hilda added, “you can always have an abortion if you really fear it’s going to be like Faustus―even though it shouldn’t. Look, it’s not the baby’s fault that his or her father is who he is, but if having him or her it’s going to make you re-live whatever it is Faustus did to you, if having the baby it’s going to make you hate it for who his or her father is… then don’t have it, Zelds.”

“You see, here we are, back where we started”.

“I’m sorry for not being more helpful”

“It’s alright. You just basically verbalized what was on my mind anyway…”

“What did he do to you…? Faustus?” Hilda interrupted―she wanted to know what had happened during her sister’s honeymoon all along, but only now did she find he courage to ask, riding on the wave of closeness and intimacy they were sharing.

Zelda was as much embarrassed as surprised by her sister’s impertinent question, but she felt that if she didn’t tell her now, she never would.

“I was under the Caligari, you know that” Zelda started, not looking at her sister. “So… you can imagine… as I’m sure you already do…”

“I think I can imagine, but I need to hear it from you. It won’t be real until you tell me” Hilda’s eyes were full of unshed tears, ready to come out.

“He raped me, sister” Zelda said, looking at the ceiling, for she wasn’t capable of even glancing at her baby sister. “He raped me so many times during that honeymoon, I practically lost track”. She nodded her head, as if trying o mentally count the many times she’d been abused by her husband.

“Thanks for telling me, Zelds.”

“I’m scared that a product of rape will inherit some unhealthy magic properties”

“You know it isn’t proven to be truth; it’s just a myth…”

“You’ve seen what’s happened to children born out of love potions, you’ve seen the lack of powers, the impossibility to love themselves…”

“Potions are different than a spell, Zelds…”

“You don’t know that, you don’t know what a Caligari spell might do to a child”

“And you don’t either, honey. It might be just a normal warlock or witch, with normal magical abilities…”

“Or a magicless child, or a child with unheard of magic”

“I think you are thinking too much, getting way ahead of yourself, Zelda”.

“Ugh…” Zelda sighed. “You are right, Hilda. But I just _cannot_ have this baby and **not** think about these things…”

“So you’re going to have it?” Hilda asked.

“I’m just scared, sister. This is my body we are talking about… my life…” Zelda held Hilda’s hand “and I’m scared that I will only see Faustus’s face when I see him―that I will remember the Caligari every time I look at him in the face. I am scared that he will be a magicless child… or that his magic will be uncontrollable…”

“I know, honey. It’s a very hard decision”

“I appreciate this conversation, sister”

“So, what will you do?”

“I will tell Sabrina about the baby. Maybe she has a clearer approach, being as direct as she is…” Zelda declared. “I would tell Ambrose, but Lilith knows where he might be…”

Hilda smiled and softly squeezed Zelda’s hand.

“I still have time to make a decision, and I will”.

“That’s the spirit, sister” Hilda said cheerily. “Let’s have some food and wait for Brina to come back from school. I will give you some privacy then.”  
“Thank you, Hilds”

“No problem, Zelds.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please do comment! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! This is going to be multi-chapter, so I appreciate any comments to move forward with the story!


End file.
